Occasion HandbookWeddings 14 examples

Funny Wedding Vows

The rule that makes funny vows work: the jokes are about you, and the last line is completely sincere. Get either of those wrong and the room goes quiet in the bad way.

The structure that works

NAME, OPENING JOKE — at your own expense.

I promise to FUNNY PROMISE, specific and true.

I promise to SECOND FUNNY PROMISE.

I promise to ONE REAL PROMISE, said straight.

THE SINCERE CLOSING LINE. No joke after it. None.

A finished example, about ninety seconds

Ellie, you married a man who has never once loaded a dishwasher correctly, and you knew that going in, so legally I think this is on you.

I promise to keep loading it wrong, and to keep pretending to be surprised when you redo it.

I promise to let you have the aisle seat, the last slice, and the final word, which you were taking anyway.

I promise to be honest with you, always, even when a joke would be easier.

You have made my life better in every single way, and I am going to spend the rest of it trying to return the favour.

The two rules

  1. 1 Jokes at your own expense, never at theirs. The room can hear the difference instantly.
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  2. 2 The last line is sincere and nothing follows it. A joke after the sincere line cancels it.
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What is actually funny in vows

  1. 3 Domestic specifics. The dishwasher, the thermostat, the way one of you drives.
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  2. 4 An honest admission about yourself.
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  3. 5 A promise everyone in the room knows you will break.
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  4. 6 Something only the two of you find funny, exactly once.
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What kills the room

  1. 7 Anything about an ex.
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  2. 8 Anything about money.
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  3. 9 A joke about the marriage not lasting, in any form.
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  4. 10 A running bit. Three jokes is charming; eight is a set.
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  5. 11 A joke aimed at a guest, including the in-laws.
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Getting the balance right

  1. 12 Two jokes to one sincere line is about right.
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  2. 13 Test it on one friend who will tell you the truth. Not the best man.
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  3. 14 If your partner is doing serious vows, tell them yours are funny. Mismatched registers are awkward for everyone, including them.
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Questions people actually ask

Are funny wedding vows a bad idea?

No, if the jokes are at your own expense and the last line is sincere. The two things that fail are punching at your partner and ending on a laugh.

How many jokes should be in wedding vows?

Two or three. Past that it becomes a set, and the sincere line stops being able to land.