Occasion HandbookFunerals 13 examples

What to Say When Someone Loses a Partner Suddenly

With a sudden death there is no preparation and no goodbye, and most stock sympathy lines are built around both. These are not.

In the first days

  1. 1 I am so sorry. This is not fair and I am not going to pretend it is.
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  2. 2 There was no warning and no time. I am so sorry.
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  3. 3 I am coming over. I will not stay long and I will not ask questions.
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  4. 4 Tell me one thing I can do today.
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  5. 5 You do not have to talk to me. I will just be in the room.
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The practical shock

Sudden death arrives with paperwork, and often with police, coroners or inquests. Offer to hold that.

  1. 6 I will make the calls. Give me the list and I will do it today.
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  2. 7 I will sit with you when the coroner’s office rings.
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  3. 8 I will take notes at every appointment so you do not have to remember any of it.
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  4. 9 I am handling food this week. Do not think about it.
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Weeks and months later

  1. 10 Are you sleeping?
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  2. 11 Do you want to go over it again? I will listen as many times as you need.
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  3. 12 It still does not make sense to me either.
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  4. 13 Still here.
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Questions people actually ask

What do you say when someone dies suddenly?

Acknowledge the shock plainly — "there was no warning and I am so sorry" — and then offer to carry one specific piece of the administration. Do not ask what happened.