What to Write in a Sympathy Card
Lines you can copy straight onto the card, sorted by who died and who you are to the person receiving it. Short is not cold — short is what most people actually want to read on the worst week of their life.
If you did not know them well
A colleague, a neighbour, a friend of a friend. Say one true thing and stop. Length is not proof of feeling.
- 1
I was very sorry to hear about your father. Thinking of you and your family this week.
- 2
There is nothing useful I can say, but I did not want to say nothing. I am sorry.
- 3
I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not feel you need to reply to this.
- 4
Thinking of you. I hope the people around you are being kind and bringing food.
- 5
I heard about your mother and wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
- 6
With sympathy from all of us. We are sorry you are going through this.
- 7
I am sorry. I hope you are being looked after.
- 8
Sending you my sympathy, and no expectations at all.
For the loss of a parent
If you knew the person who died, name them. Using their name is the part people remember.
- 9
I am so sorry about your dad. He was kind to me every single time I met him, and I have not forgotten it.
- 10
Your mum was the first person to make me feel welcome here. I am very sorry.
- 11
Please accept my sympathy on the death of your father. He spoke about you with obvious pride.
- 12
Losing a parent is its own kind of loss. I am sorry you are in it.
- 13
I keep thinking about your mother laughing at her own jokes. I am so sorry she is gone.
- 14
No advice, no silver linings. Just very sorry about your dad.
- 15
Whatever you need in the next few months, ask me. I mean it in March as much as I mean it today.
For the loss of a partner
Avoid anything that begins "at least". There is no at least here.
- 16
I am so sorry about David. Forty years is not a number I know how to talk about, so I will just say I am thinking of you.
- 17
I am sorry. I am not going to pretend I understand what this week is like for you.
- 18
You two were the couple the rest of us quietly measured ourselves against. I am so sorry.
- 19
With deepest sympathy on the death of your husband. Please call on us for anything at all.
- 20
Thinking of you every day. I will keep checking in, and you never have to answer.
For the loss of a child
Write less than you think you should. Do not mention age, timing, or anything that sounds like a reason.
- 21
There are no words for this. I am so sorry.
- 22
I am holding you both in my mind. I will not ask you how you are — I will just keep turning up.
- 23
I am so sorry about Emily. I will say her name for as long as you want to hear it.
- 24
I love you and I am so sorry.
For a colleague
Keep work out of it entirely. Do not mention cover, deadlines, or when they are back.
- 25
On behalf of everyone here, I am very sorry for your loss. Take whatever time you need.
- 26
Sorry about your mum. Nothing here needs you. Look after yourself.
- 27
Thinking of you this week. The team has everything covered and nobody is counting.
- 28
Very sorry to hear your news. No need to reply.
When you want to offer something concrete
The most useful line in a sympathy card is a specific offer with a date attached. "Let me know if you need anything" transfers the work back to the grieving person.
- 29
I am going to drop dinner round on Thursday evening and leave it on the step. No need to come to the door.
- 30
I can take the school run any morning next week. Just say which days.
- 31
I will call on Sunday at six. If you do not want to talk, do not pick up and I will try again the week after.
- 32
I am free to sit with you and deal with paperwork. That is genuinely something I am good at.
- 33
I will walk the dog every morning this month unless you tell me to stop.
Short lines for the bottom of a group card
You have one line and everyone can see it. Say something plain and sign your full name.
- 34
So sorry, Marcus. Thinking of you.
- 35
With sympathy from all of us in Accounts.
- 36
Sorry for your loss. Take your time.
- 37
Thinking of you and your family.
- 38
He will be very missed here.
Questions people actually ask
How long should a sympathy message be?
Two or three sentences is normal and completely sufficient. The people who receive dozens of cards remember the ones that named the person who died, not the ones that filled the page.
Is it too late to send a card?
No. Cards that arrive three or four weeks later are often the most valuable ones, because that is when everyone else has gone quiet and the person is on their own with it.
Should I mention how they died?
Only if the family has been open about it, and even then only briefly. Never speculate, and never mention it at all in a case of suicide or overdose unless the family has named it first.
Can I send a text instead of a card?
Yes, and for a close friend a text on the day is often better than a card next week. Send both if you are unsure — the text arrives now and the card arrives when the house is empty again.
What do I sign a sympathy card with?
Use your full name if there is any chance they will not place you, and add how you know them: "Marcus Le, from your dad’s Tuesday chess group."