What to Say to Someone Whose Wife Has Died
Widowers get asked less and offered less. Keep making the offer after the point where it feels like you are repeating yourself.
At the service
- 1
I am so sorry about Elaine.
- 2
She was wonderful. I am so sorry.
- 3
I do not know what to say to you.
- 4
I am glad I knew her.
Keep going after everyone else stops
- 5
Still here. Still Sunday if you want it.
- 6
I am not going away, so you do not have to answer this one either.
- 7
Come for lunch. No notice needed, ever.
- 8
Do you want to talk about her, or would you rather talk about the football? Both are fine.
The gap nobody fills
Widowers are often left with the parts of a household they never ran. Name the specific gap rather than offering generally.
- 9
I am doing a shop for you Thursday. Text me anything specific.
- 10
I will show you how she did the heating timer. It takes five minutes and it is not a big deal.
- 11
Bring the washing over, I will do it with mine.
Questions people actually ask
What do you say to a man who has just lost his wife?
The same as anyone: that you are sorry, and one true thing about her. The only difference is persistence — keep offering after the point where it feels repetitive, because fewer people will.