Occasion HandbookFunerals 13 examples

What to Say to Someone Whose Husband Has Died

Say his name. Widows report that people stop saying the name almost immediately, and that the silence is worse than the awkwardness.

At the service and just after

  1. 1 I am so sorry about David.
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  2. 2 He was the best of us. I am so sorry.
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  3. 3 I have no idea what to say. I am so sorry.
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  4. 4 I loved him too.
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In the months that follow

The cards stop at about week three. This is where the real help is.

  1. 5 I still say his name. I hope that is alright.
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  2. 6 I have a standing Tuesday for you. Cancel as often as you like.
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  3. 7 I am not going to ask how you are. I am just going to keep turning up.
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  4. 8 What is the thing nobody is helping with?
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  5. 9 Do you want company or quiet? Either is fine and I will not be offended.
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Practical offers that are actually taken up

  1. 10 I am doing your bins and your recycling. It is done, do not thank me.
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  2. 11 I will come and deal with the paperwork. I am good at it and I will not comment on anything.
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  3. 12 I am coming on Sunday at two. Leave the door.
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  4. 13 I will handle the phone calls. Send me the list.
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Questions people actually ask

Should I mention her husband by name?

Yes. Almost every widow says people stopped saying his name and that it made the loss lonelier. Using it is a kindness, not a risk.