Occasion HandbookFunerals 13 examples

What to Bring to a Funeral or Celebration of Life

Usually nothing, and yourself. But there are four things worth having in a pocket, and a few occasions where bringing something is expected.

To the service
Nothing. Tissues, a pen for the condolence book, and your phone switched fully off — not silent.
To the wake or reception
Nothing, unless the family has asked. If it is at a private home, food or drink is usually welcome.
To a shiva house
Food. The household is not expected to cook.
If a donation was requested
Do that instead of flowers, and do it in the way the notice specifies.

The four things worth having on you

  1. 1 Tissues, more than you think, because you will be handing them to other people.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  2. 2 A pen. Condolence books are always short of them.
    Tone PlainLength Very short
  3. 3 Cash, in case there is a collection and no card machine.
    Tone PlainLength Very short
  4. 4 Water, particularly at a summer or graveside service.
    Tone PlainLength Very short

Flowers, and when not to send them

  1. 5 Follow the notice exactly. "Family flowers only" means do not send any.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  2. 6 Flowers are not customary at most Jewish or Muslim funerals. Send food, or give to a named charity.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  3. 7 If you send flowers to the house rather than the service, send them the week after, when everything else has stopped arriving.
    Tone PlainLength Full

Celebrations of life specifically

These are less formal and more likely to ask something of guests.

  1. 8 Read the invitation twice. They often ask for a photograph, a memory card, or a specific colour.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  2. 9 If photographs are requested, bring a copy you can leave behind, not the original.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  3. 10 If it is at a house, bring something for the table without being asked. It is always right.
    Tone PlainLength Short

If you cannot attend

  1. 11 Send a card in the week after, not the week of. That is when the house goes quiet.
    Tone WarmLength Short
  2. 12 A donation in their name, with a line saying you have done it.
    Tone PlainLength Short
  3. 13 Food delivered a fortnight later is remembered far longer than flowers on the day.
    Tone WarmLength Short

Questions people actually ask

Do you bring anything to a funeral?

Normally nothing. Bring tissues, a pen and cash for a collection. Gifts and food belong at the wake or the family home, not at the service.

What do you bring to a celebration of life?

Read the invitation — these often ask for a photograph, a written memory, or a particular colour. If it is at a private home, food is always welcome.