What to Wear to a Jewish Funeral
Dark and modest, with heads covered for men. Services are usually short, often early in the day, and arranged quickly.
- Men
- Dark suit or dark jacket and trousers. Head covered — a kippah is normally available at the door, and you do not need to bring your own.
- Women
- A dark dress or skirt below the knee, or dark trousers, with sleeves and a covered neckline. In Orthodox communities married women often cover their hair; a scarf or hat is a safe thing to have with you.
- Colour
- Dark and plain. Black is usual.
- Timing
- Burial is usually within a day or two, so the notice is short. Services are brief.
What usually happens
- 1
The service is short and at the graveside there is often an invitation for mourners to help fill the grave. Participating is a kindness; declining is fine.
- 2
Shiva follows: a period, commonly seven days, when the family receive visitors at home.
- 3
Flowers are generally not sent. Food for the shiva house, or a donation to a charity the family names, is the usual gesture.
Visiting a shiva house
- 4
Dress the same way — dark and modest.
- 5
Bring food if you can. The household is not expected to cook.
- 6
It is customary to let the mourner speak first rather than opening with a question.
Questions people actually ask
Do I need to bring a kippah to a Jewish funeral?
No. Baskets of them are provided at the entrance of virtually every synagogue and cemetery chapel. Male guests are expected to wear one regardless of their own faith.
What do you bring to a shiva house?
Food. The household is not expected to cook, and a tray of something that keeps is the most useful thing you can carry through the door.