What to Say to Someone Whose Father Has Died
Spoken lines for the door, the phone and the weeks afterwards. If you knew him, one specific detail is worth more than any amount of sympathy.
At the service
- 1
I am so sorry. He was a good man.
- 2
I am sorry for your loss.
- 3
Your dad was very kind to me. I am so sorry.
- 4
Thinking of you all today.
- 5
I am glad I knew him.
One specific thing, if you have one
This is the sentence people repeat to each other afterwards.
- 6
He taught me to drive and never once raised his voice.
- 7
He is the reason I took the job. He told me I would regret not trying.
- 8
He always asked about my mother by name. Fifteen years, every time.
- 9
He fixed my bike in the rain and would not come inside afterwards.
To someone who had a complicated relationship with him
Not every father was loved, and pretending otherwise leaves the person completely alone.
- 10
However this lands for you, I am here.
- 11
You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about this.
- 12
I know it was not simple. I am still sorry.
- 13
You do not have to be sad in the way other people expect.
Later on
- 14
I have been thinking about your dad.
- 15
Is today a hard one?
- 16
Tell me about him.
- 17
Still thinking of you.
Questions people actually ask
What do you say to a friend whose dad died?
Say you are sorry, then one true specific thing about him if you have one. If you did not know him, say so and turn toward your friend instead.