What to Say to a Coworker Who Is Grieving
The hard part is the first day back. Say something, keep it to one sentence, and do not make them manage your discomfort.
On their first day back
Saying nothing is the most common choice and it is the one people remember as coldness.
- 1
I was very sorry to hear about your dad. It is good to have you back.
- 2
I am sorry about your mum. I will not make a thing of it — just wanted to say it.
- 3
Sorry about your loss. Coffee later if you want, or not at all.
- 4
I am sorry. Tell me if today gets to be too much.
If you are their manager
- 5
I am sorry about your father. Your job is safe and there is no clock running.
- 6
Take what you need. If the policy runs out, come and talk to me and we will find a way.
- 7
I have moved your deadlines. You do not need to ask about any of them.
- 8
Do you want people to know, or would you rather I said nothing?
Weeks later
- 9
How are you doing with it all?
- 10
Still thinking of you, quietly.
- 11
Is today a hard day? No need to explain.
Questions people actually ask
What do you say to a coworker who has lost a parent?
One sentence: you are sorry, and you are glad they are back. Do not mention work, do not ask about their return, and do not require them to reassure you.