What to Say to Someone Who Just Had a Baby
Spoken lines for the first visit and the first fortnight. The best thing you can say is short, and the best thing you can do is a job.
On the first visit
Say something about her, not only about the baby. Almost nobody does.
- 1
Congratulations. How are you?
- 2
She is beautiful. How are you feeling?
- 3
You look well. Go and lie down, I will hold him.
- 4
You did an enormous thing last week. I hope someone has said so.
- 5
I am not staying long. Where is the kettle?
Instead of asking a question
- 6
I am putting a wash on.
- 7
I have brought lunch and I am leaving in twenty minutes.
- 8
I will do the washing up while you feed her.
- 9
I am taking the dog out.
- 10
Go and have a shower. I will be here and I will not move.
If the birth was difficult
- 11
That sounds frightening. I am glad you are both here.
- 12
You do not have to tell me any of it unless you want to.
- 13
However it went, it went. You are allowed to be sad about it and happy at the same time.
- 14
That was a lot. I am sorry it was not the day you wanted.
In week three, when everyone has stopped coming
The visits collapse at about day ten. This is when help is actually needed.
- 15
Do you want company or would you rather I dropped food and left?
- 16
I am coming Thursday unless you tell me not to.
- 17
How are you, really? Not the baby. You.
- 18
Is anyone asking you that question?
Questions people actually ask
What should you say to a new mother?
Ask how she is, not only how the baby is. Then do a specific job — a wash, the dishes, lunch — and leave before you are tired of being there.
When should you visit a new baby?
Later than you want to. Week one is crowded and week three is empty, and week three is when a visit with food is actually worth something.