Funny Christmas Card Messages

About the card itself

1. 1 Merry Christmas. This card cost £4.50 and took eleven seconds to choose.
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2. 2 Happy Christmas. I bought a pack of twelve and you are number nine.
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3. 3 Merry Christmas. The card is the gift. Manage your expectations.
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4. 4 Happy Christmas. I have written this one first, so it is the good one.
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About your own shortcomings

1. 5 Merry Christmas. Written on the 23rd, posted on the 24th, arriving in February.
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2. 6 Happy Christmas. I meant to send this in good time and here we are.
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3. 7 Merry Christmas. I have bought you nothing and I stand by it.
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4. 8 Happy Christmas. I remembered! Eventually! In a panic!
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About Christmas in general

1. 9 Merry Christmas. Enjoy the eleven days where nobody knows what day it is.
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2. 10 Happy Christmas. May the parsnips be worth the effort.
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3. 11 Merry Christmas. Wishing you a fridge you cannot close.
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4. 12 Happy Christmas. Here is to eating cheese at hours that are frankly indefensible.
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About the relatives

Safe as long as the joke is about the day, not about a named person who will be handed the card.

1. 13 Happy Christmas. May your relatives leave at a reasonable hour.
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2. 14 Merry Christmas. Wishing you the good chocolates and none of the arguments.
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3. 15 Happy Christmas. Good luck with the seating plan.
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4. 16 Merry Christmas. Remember: it is only one day, and then a whole year off.
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For close friends, slightly ruder

1. 17 Merry Christmas. You are the only reason I keep buying the expensive cards.
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2. 18 Happy Christmas. Still no idea what you do for work. Still fond of you.
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3. 19 Merry Christmas. Another year, and neither of us has become a better person.
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4. 20 Happy Christmas. I have peaked, you have peaked, let us enjoy the descent.
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For a work card that has to stay clean

1. 21 Merry Christmas. Enjoy the days where the inbox is somebody else’s problem.
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2. 22 Happy Christmas. May nothing break between now and January.
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3. 23 Merry Christmas. Out of office and unashamed.
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When there is money in it

1. 24 Merry Christmas. Vouchers, because I do not know you well enough and we both know it.
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2. 25 Happy Christmas. Spend it badly.
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3. 26 Merry Christmas. Cash: the gift that admits it did not think.
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One-liners that fit a small card

1. 27 Merry Christmas. That is it. That is the card.
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2. 28 Happy Christmas, you.
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3. 29 Merry Christmas. Nailed it again.
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4. 30 Happy Christmas. Full effort, small card.
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