Birthday Wishes for In-Laws

For a son-in-law

1. 1 Happy birthday. You have made her happier than we have ever seen her, and that is the whole of it.
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2. 2 Happy birthday. We got you by marriage and we would have chosen you anyway.
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3. 3 Happy birthday. Very glad you are one of us.
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4. 4 Happy birthday. Thank you for looking after her, and for putting up with the rest of us.
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For a daughter-in-law

1. 5 Happy birthday. You have been family for years; the wedding was just admin.
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2. 6 Happy birthday. You are the best thing that has happened to this family in a decade.
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3. 7 Happy birthday. So glad you are ours now.
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4. 8 Happy birthday. Thank you for the way you look after him and for making him better company.
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For a mother-in-law

1. 9 Happy birthday. Thank you for raising him. It clearly took some doing.
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2. 10 Wishing you a very happy birthday, with love from both of us.
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3. 11 Happy birthday. You made me welcome from the first day and I have not forgotten it.
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4. 12 Happy birthday. Hope you are thoroughly spoiled.
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For a father-in-law

1. 13 Happy birthday. Thank you for the welcome, and for never once making it awkward.
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2. 14 With best wishes for a very happy birthday.
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3. 15 Happy birthday. Still learning from you, still losing at cards.
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For a sister- or brother-in-law

1. 16 Happy birthday. I got a sibling by accident and it was a good accident.
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2. 17 Happy birthday. Glad you are part of this.
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3. 18 Happy birthday to the in-law who improved the family average.
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If the relationship is polite rather than close

1. 19 Wishing you a very happy birthday.
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2. 20 Happy birthday. Hope you have a lovely day.
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3. 21 With best wishes on your birthday.
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Getting the tone right early in a relationship

The first few cards to in-laws set a register you will live with for years.

1. 22 Warm and slightly formal is the safe starting point. You can relax it later; you cannot easily tighten it.
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2. 23 Thank them for something specific rather than for welcoming you generally.
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3. 24 Sign from both of you, always, even if you wrote it.
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4. 25 If you are still working out what to call them, avoid the name entirely and write "Happy birthday" — nobody notices the omission.
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5. 26 Do not attempt an in-joke until you are certain one exists.
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When the relationship is difficult

1. 27 Short, warm, correct. Three lines and both names.
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2. 28 "Wishing you a very happy birthday" is complete and gives nothing away.
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3. 29 Do not use the card to make a point. It will be reread and discussed.
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4. 30 Sending one at all is the message. Keep doing it.
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From the other direction — writing to a new son- or daughter-in-law

1. 31 Happy birthday. You arrived and improved things immediately, which is not what we expected.
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2. 32 Happy birthday. Thank you for how you look after her. We notice.
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3. 33 Happy birthday to the person who has made this family better company.
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4. 34 Happy birthday. Very glad you are one of us now.
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After a divorce or separation

Ex-in-laws are a real category and almost nobody writes about them.

1. 35 If you were close and want to keep it, keep sending cards. Many people do for decades.
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2. 36 Keep it about them and nothing about the separation.
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3. 37 If there are grandchildren involved, the card is worth sending for that reason alone.
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4. 38 "Happy birthday. Thinking of you" is enough and does not reopen anything.
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Milestone birthdays for in-laws

1. 39 Happy seventieth. Thank you for raising the person I married — it clearly took some doing.
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2. 40 With warmest wishes on your eightieth birthday, from both of us.
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3. 41 Happy sixtieth. You have been extraordinarily good to me and I have never said so properly.
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Signing and sending

1. 42 Both names, in the order they know you: your partner first if the relationship is theirs.
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2. 43 Post it to arrive early. Late cards to in-laws get remembered.
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3. 44 If your partner "always does the cards", do this one yourself once. It is noticed.
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Short and always correct

1. 45 Wishing you a very happy birthday.
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2. 46 Happy birthday — hope you have a lovely day.
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3. 47 Happy birthday, with love from both of us.
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4. 48 With best wishes on your birthday.
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Questions people actually ask