Birthday Wishes for a Niece or Nephew
The aunt-and-uncle card has one advantage: you can be on their side without being responsible for them. Use it.
For a child
- 1
Happy birthday! Eight is a very good age. Make the most of it.
- 2
Happy birthday to the loudest and best person at every family gathering.
- 3
Happy birthday. Have far too much cake.
- 4
Happy birthday! I have bought you something noisy. You are welcome; your parents are not.
For a teenager
- 5
Happy birthday. You are turning into someone genuinely interesting and I am watching with approval.
- 6
Happy birthday. If you ever need advice your parents will not give you, you know where I am.
- 7
Happy birthday. Money enclosed, no questions asked, no receipts required.
- 8
Happy birthday. Everything they say about being sixteen is nonsense. Enjoy it.
For a grown niece or nephew
- 9
Happy birthday. I have known you your whole life and you have turned out exactly right.
- 10
Happy birthday. Watching you build your own thing has been a real pleasure.
- 11
Happy birthday. Still quietly on your side, as ever.
The long view, which only you have
- 12
You were the child who took everything apart. It turns out that was a career.
- 13
You have been asking impossible questions since you were four. Never stop.
- 14
I remember you refusing to go into school on your first day. Happy birthday to someone who has since done considerably harder things.
From an aunt
- 15
Happy birthday. I am the aunt who will always take your side and I intend to keep it that way.
- 16
Happy birthday. Ring me about anything, at any time, and I will not tell your mother.
From an uncle
- 17
Happy birthday. I have bought you the present your dad said no to.
- 18
Happy birthday. Your father was much worse at your age. I have photographs.
With money inside
- 19
Not to be spent sensibly. That is the rule.
- 20
Towards something your parents would not buy you.
- 21
For whatever you actually want.
What to give, and what parents quietly prefer
The gift is usually more anxiety than the card, and it should not be.
- 22
Books and vouchers are welcome at every age and take no cupboard space.
- 23
For a young child, ask the parents. They know what is already in the house and what has just broken.
- 24
Money in a card is completely acceptable from an aunt or uncle and is what teenagers actually want.
- 25
Avoid anything requiring batteries you are not supplying, and anything with a hundred small pieces.
- 26
For a milestone, something that lasts and is engraved is the aunt-and-uncle territory parents leave open.
- 27
If you are the fun one, be the fun one. That is a real family role and somebody has to do it.
If you rarely see them
- 28
Say so warmly and without apology: "I do not see you enough and I think about you more than you would guess."
- 29
Reference something you do know — the sport, the band, the subject they love. It shows you have been paying attention.
- 30
A card every year, even when you cannot make the party, builds a relationship a child notices.
- 31
Ask a parent for one detail before you write. Ten seconds of research changes the card entirely.
When there is a family rift
Cards to nieces and nephews often cross a difficult line between adults.
- 32
Keep the card entirely about the child. Nothing about the adults, in any direction.
- 33
"Happy birthday. I am always here" is a complete message and it says the thing without saying it.
- 34
Do not use the card to send a message to their parents. Children read cards.
- 35
Keep sending them, even unanswered. Children remember who kept turning up on paper.
For a godchild or a friend’s child
- 36
Happy birthday. I promised to look out for you before you could object, and I meant it.
- 37
Happy birthday to my favourite non-relative.
- 38
Happy birthday! Your mum tells me you are very good at football now.
- 39
Happy birthday. I have known you since you were four days old and it remains the best introduction I have had.
Age by age
The register changes a great deal between five and fifteen.
- 40
Under five: two lines, bright, about cake and the party.
- 41
Five to ten: name one thing they are good at. They remember it.
- 42
Eleven to fourteen: treat them as older than they are. It is the single thing that age wants.
- 43
Fifteen to eighteen: no baby talk, money inside, and one line taking them seriously.
- 44
Over eighteen: write to them as an adult you like, which by then they are.
Cards from a distance
- 45
Happy birthday from a long way away. I have been told you are taller than your mother now, which is alarming.
- 46
Happy birthday! Sorry to miss the party — send me a photograph of the cake.
- 47
Happy birthday. Two countries away and still your biggest supporter.
Short lines for a gift tag
- 48
Happy birthday! Not to be spent sensibly.
- 49
For you. From your favourite aunt.
- 50
Happy birthday — enjoy the noise.
- 51
Something your parents said no to.
Questions people actually ask
What do you write in a birthday card for a niece or nephew?
Something only you remember — a childhood habit, a question they used to ask. Parents cannot write that, and it is why the aunt-and-uncle card gets kept.
How much money do you give a niece or nephew for their birthday?
There is no rule, and consistency across the family matters more than the amount — children compare. Whatever you choose, keep it the same across siblings and cousins of the same age.
What do you write if you barely see your niece or nephew?
Say so warmly and reference one thing you do know about them. A card every year, even without a visit, is something children notice and remember.